Toby's first photo shoot

 Toby received a Fisher Price Kid Tough Blue Digital Camera for Christmas and although he has always loved it and taken the occasional picture this afternoon he announced he wanted to take lots of photos like Mama. So we had a little photoshoot and these are his favourite shots.

Mama, the flowery blankie on the sofa, Mama's phone and Basil (Mama's teddy hot water bottle).

I am so proud of my little man!

If you have your own little budding Cecil Beaton or Annie Leibovitz this camera is fabulous. It is sturdy, padded, easy to use and simple to connect to the computer. It doesn't take pictures that will rival a SLR but they are great for little ones and the achievement he feels when he sees his own photos on the screen is incredible

Instagram

I love my camera but I do not always have it with me when I see something I want record so then I use my iPhone.

The photos never come out as clean as those from my camera but I put them through instagram, it makes them more interesting and have a nostalgic feel that I love.

You can see and follow my instagram stream on webstagram or look up ouissi on your iphone app ;)

Dressing the house for Easter

Having a 3 year old gives a 36 year old a perfect excuse to raid the shops for cheap, kitsch Easter decorations and fill the house with fluffy chicks and painted eggs that make both of them smile.

 

The little purple chick by the bunny egg in the bottom image was “rescued” from the lane leading to my sister's house by Toby. He is missing a beak but Toby was so excited at finding him. He has to lean against his blue “best pal” to avoid falling over.

Pale pink tulips, crumpets & strawberry jam

I bought these tulips on Sunday for pennies, knowing they would not last but that for the time they did sit drooping over the vase on my dining table they would cheer me up with their almost translucent candy pink striped petals. And they did, until I threw them away this evening as they began to shake off the petals all over the dogs on Toby's favourite oilcloth table cover.

 

Today for lunch I toasted two of the crumpets I keep in the freezer for Toby, melted butter into the holes and smothered them with oodles of strawberry jam. Then I ate them, alone, for lunch, on a plate that makes me happy.

And I have needed smiles the last few days. A raw new skin, it seems, is easily scratched and even more easily burnt. A magazine article deadline has meant long hours sewing, taking photographs and writing and my life, the one I am trying to live now alongside Toby and my beloved little business, almost took a disastrous turn in a way that would have hurt me seriously and left scars.

But now, at almost 3am on Wednesday, I am happy that all sewing and photographs are finished and only a few words are left to write and edit.

Oh and the thing that could have scarred me was not real after all. Not all-in-my-mind kind of not real, more a not-as-I-had-feared sort of not real.

Not real after all.

Today I am grateful for...

Kristianne Robinson singing jazz wonderfully in the Orange Coffee House on a Sunday lunchtime. 

A little boy that takes after his soprano Mama and pianist Dada and can sit for hours quietly listening to music, sometimes moving his lips as he sings silently along.

Coffee and apple juice (with a straw because he is a “big boy now”).

Daisies picked by my little boy.

Toby announcing he is “so absolutely happy” because it is sunny and he is holding Mama's hand for “a long time”. Bless...excuse me whilst my heart melts...

My little pink sewing machine and the ability to take up a flowery, ruffly dress I bought last year and adored but hated how it often trailed on the pavement behind me. It now ruffles down to just below my knee.

The sun, my beautiful village and a large, if unruly, dog-niece to walk through the park and throw balls for.

Instagram. Because I forgot my beloved camera today and without instagram my iphone photos do not look as fabulous as I'd like.

My mum and her neighbour Sue for being themselves and making me laugh in a way they do not intend.

Musings under the blossom

For the last two days, whilst walking beneath bursting buds of blossom, sewing candy coloured macaroons and searching for ladybirds with an overexcited 3 year old, I have spent hours doing a lot of soul searching.

 For the last 21 months I have lived in a world wholly inhabited by my son, my cat, my family, my home and the close friends that understand that sometimes I needed to remain silent for days or weeks at a time. For the first 18 months or so being Toby's Mama, sewing the occasional (far too occasional) piece, babysitting most weekends and avoiding looking too far into the uncertainty of the future was enough.

The problem I am having now is that in 2012 it no longer seems enough.

I have stepped outside of my safe cocoon and the me I am now presenting to the world seems too raw, too exposed, and, though I can no longer bear the thought of not having a happy and fuller future and the possibilities now seem full of dancing and studying, working and dreaming, I am too afraid of life rubbing away at me and hurting.  I know with total certainty I need to live and that living will hurt.

I also know that I can no longer hold back in my little business, love or life for fear of succeeding.

Wish me luck, I think I will need it x

Aiming for clarity in the spring sunlight

Today I tried to make sense of the rollercoaster of emotions I have been riding for the past few weeks.

 But I am not sure what I feel.
I just need to sit in the sunlight and forget to think at all.

 Maybe tomorrow will make more sense to me.

Maybe it won't.
*Sigh*